kisses upon tears
Saturday, 12 May 2007
♥ 00:25
I dedicate this post to all my CCA, my seniors, and especially my squadmates.
Thanks for being there for me, when I need you most.
The doctor said my nose wouldn't bleed anymore. I've had frequent nosebleeds for 3 weeks, and once I even coughed out blood and went to the doggarn emergency room in NUH in the middle of the night, and I also saw that stupid crap doctor, yes, the stupid low blood pressure and fast pulse guy. (yeah, like Radar and Wandar said, they should arrest the guy). Anyway, that's besides the point.
I went for a check-up on Thursday. The doctor applied some chemicals onto my nose, and said that my nose wouldn't bleed anymore.
But during PT, Hui Ming suddenly asked me if I was feeling alright. I answered yes, but I didn't realise my nose was bleeding - again.
I was shocked, horrified, afraid, scared, a mixture of emotions surged within me, beyond my control.
I ran to the toilet, as Hui Ming instructed me to do so (to wash up), and ran as fast as my two tired legs could carry my 46.4 kg body.
I saw bloodstains upon my hand, blood.
Fresh streaks of dark red blood, glimmering in the dim light of the basement.
It wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't. The doctor said it wouldn't happen again.
why?
what was wrong with me?
no...........
I began crying in the toilet. I could hear Gwen comforting me, telling me it wasn't my fault, telling me to lean forward and pinch my nosebridge. I could hear myself crying," The doctor said it wouldn't bleed again. It shouldn't bleed. It SHOULDN'T!"
Tears were mixed with blood, Blood was mixed with tap water, tap water was mixed with sweat, and sweat was mixed with my tears.
I looked at myself in the mirror. My whole face was covered in that mixture.
I could hear myself crying, my sobs, my heart pumping, and the splash of tap water from the tap.
Thank you, my seniors. I have always respected you, and after this, I promise, I'll respect you 500% more!! Thanks for being there, allowing me to rest during footdrill, and always asking me if I need to drink water. I promise I won't cause any more trouble again!
Thank you, my squadmates, especially Jeraldine.
Thanks for being the first one to hug me ever so tight when I really needed it.
Thanks for telling me I shouldn't cry, that I should be your happy son.
Thank you, my squadmates, for worrying about me, for being there for me. I love every one of you.
I'm sorry I'm so pathetically weak. I'm sorry that my nose has always been causing trouble, since last year.
But I'll get stronger, I promise.
